Relationship? No, A Partnership

The month of February is associated with Valentine's Day and brings love and romance into the air. Couples receive lots of romantic gestures such as flowers, chocolates, gifts and dates. For those of you who are single, this is your month to spoil yourself even more! The more you love yourself, the better your relationship is with yourself. That's the most important relationship you have.

As this month is quite romantic-heavy and relationships are a vital portion of our lives, I think it would be a good idea to talk about them. Let's dive right into this topic!

Relationships require the following:

TRUST+HONESTY
RESPECT
ACCEPTANCE
LOYALTY
LOVE
COMMUNICATION

And all of these should be unconditional.

TRUST:

Trusting your partner simply means you can rely on them and are comfortable confiding in them because you know your deepest thoughts, secrets and fears are safe with them. It can almost be described as peaceful, freeing and serene when you can trust your partner with any form of information. There is trust that this sensitive information will not be used against you in heated arguments. It is trust that forms the foundation of your entire relationship. I am sure many of you have heard that statement. Without trust, your relationship will crumble and there will be no way to save it.

HONESTY: Honesty is something that builds trust which is why I have put it under the overlying subtopic of trust. Honesty means always telling your partner the truth and being totally open with them, both for the big things and the little things. Being honest means being your true self around your partner, never hiding who you are, what you think, or how you feel. This can pose as a difficulty for many. Many people may want to be completely honest with their partners but have walls such as childhood trauma, maybe family, or fear that prevent them from being 100% honest. I see you, you're not a bad partner. So don't allow that thought to circle your mind. Understand that you have some healing to do and work on it. For those people, breathe. Yes, simply breathe. Before you have to tell the complete trust, your heart beat might go up, you may even get anxious, but take a few minutes to control your breathing. Once you've done that, tell your partner the truth, all of it. The more you hide, the more it will strain your trust for the relationship.

RESPECT:

Respect is the cornerstone for any healthy relationship. It means that you recognize that your partner is a whole person, not just a way to get something you want. It means you know your partner has different experiences and opinions from you and that's okay.

Showing respect to your partner can mean the following:

Being mindful of how you communicate with them. Refrain from using derogatory terms such as swear words in any language for that matter. It's demeaning and completely unnecessary. You're disrespecting your partner and that's not okay. Mannerisms and etiquette when communicating are of utmost importance. Once again, people are different so some may struggle with this also. That's okay. Learn and improve on this because it will prove beneficial in the long term.
Showing respect towards the important people in your partner's life. This can be hard especially if these people have caused problems in the relationship or you do not see eye to eye with them. Though, remember that they also have their own perspective for life and provide their opinions based on that. Just learn to accept that they are who they are, you are who you are. Agree to disagree. These important people can be friends, parents, siblings, even coworkers! A side note: Do not disrespect someone just because they did the same to you. Hold yourself higher than that. Continue to respect them but maybe avoid them. Once you have earned their respect by showing it to them, they will soon cave in and begin to respect you too. Actions build respect. Behaviours do too. That's why what I just mentioned will prove to be beneficial.
Treat your partner as an equal. It means that they should not have to seek your permission to hangout with their friends or spend time for themselves. Decisions should ideally be made together and implemented. This can again be hard for some people based on their families and how they are grown up. For those of you who it poses a difficulty for, I want you to think from your partner's perspective, how they must feel when certain decisions concerning the relationship are not made together. It must feel terrible. So, improve on it. Take action, learn, improve. It is a process and you just have to go through it.

ACCEPTANCE:

Acceptance means living with and valuing differences in your partner. They are not wrong just because they are not the same as yours. They are simply different. It is about being flexible, knowing how to compromise and understanding that people make mistakes. Accepting your partner for who they are but also challenging them to become better is hard to balance but needed. Accepting your partner means that they have the right to their own feelings and differences. Lifestyle differences, differences in how they are grown up, even differences in something like home design. You do not possess the right to validate or invalidate how they feel. Accept it and accept them.

We all have our differences. That's what makes us so unique. So when it comes to our partners, why do we use these differences against them? Instead, understanding where and how these differences came to be, you'll slowly learn to accept them.

LOYALTY:

Loyalty often gets defined as faithfulness in a relationship. Avoiding temptations that can lead towards cheating on your partner and showcasing disloyalty. If your partner has been in relationship(s) in the past, loyalty is shown by not allowing the past relationships or past partner into the current relationship. Talking to them from time to time if your partner and them are friends may be okay to some, depending on how secure you feel in the relationship. No boundaries must be crossed or inappropriate conversations must not be occurring with the past partner(s). Be open to your partner and tell them about the conversation as this will increase trust and you will show your loyalty to your partner too. Loyalty is faithfulness as I mentioned and is shown on a day to day basis to your partner in direct or indirect ways. Loyalty is steadfastness; sticking by your partner until the end.

Disloyalty in a relationship can destroy it, and trust me, I am trying to put this as nicely as possible. Not only does this show lack of respect for your partner, it pushes your partner to question your morals in life. This leads to the end of your relationship.

LOVE:

Love is a close bond with one another that goes deeper than affection, attraction and lust or friendship. Of course, you do want your partner to double as your best friend too. In a relationship, love should be unconditional. Meaning, your partner's love should not be conditional upon specific things such as how many gifts they buy you, what kind of clothes you wear, your body type and so on. For love to exist in its purest form, unconditionally loving your partner is necessary. Avoid straining this pure love with ultimatums. I have precisely used the word avoid as we all, at some point, may use an ultimatum. Just be aware that the ultimatum has caused some level of discomfort in the love you and your partner share. Supporting your partner for their future, reminding them of all they can achieve, expressing how proud you are of them and standing strong with them through tough times are some forms of love.

One tip, take a love language test. I'll link one here. This test breaks down the 5 languages of love (words of affirmation, quality time, gifts, acts of service, and physical touch), explains them to you simply and makes you answer a set of questions. Both you and your partner should take the test. Learn each other's love languages so you can express your love to them in a better way and a way that makes them truly feel loved.

COMMUNICATION:

Communication is simply, at its core, about connecting and using your verbal, written and physical skills to fulfill your partner's needs. It's not about making small talk. It's about understanding your partner's point of view and offering support. Open communication is vital for you and your partner to understand one another on a deeper level. Communicating how you feel, what you are experiencing and what you need develops transparency in your relationship, further building a strong bond between the both of you.

Some additional things I'd like to share:

Do not monetize your relationship by saying that you have invested $X in the relationship while your partner has invested $Y. Whoever's may be higher or lower, it is disrespectful to your relationship. It treats your relationship as a business which reduces the purity of it. If you have done this in the past or recently, apologize to your partner and improve on this.
Being a better partner is a process and it should be done because you WANT to be better for them. Not to push them to also be better because that would be like a business transaction.
Love yourself first. This way you will learn to love your partner better and your partner will learn to love you better as well.
Self-centered and being conceited (me, myself and I) approach to any situation will chip away at the relationship. This approach means that putting your needs at the forefront always, as if your partner must revolve around you. That is not okay. A quick example of this approach is when you plan a day trip with your partner and you only do what they want. Their needs and wants took precedence over yours which is disrespectful. There should be a compromise, a middle point that you reach. The relationship is two people so both's needs and wants should be considered.
This relationship/partnership is first and foremost you and your partner. Yes, as hard as that may be to hear, it's the truth. This does not mean you do not consider others in your relationship. You do, and you should. However, this relationship/partnership brings the two of you together, two souls together. Keep that in mind.

Lastly, I hope you’ve noticed that I’ve used the term “partner” rather than boyfriend, girlfriend, wife or husband. That’s because to me, I firmly believe that a relationship is a partnership. You build, grow, shine, fall and everything else, together. Thus, a partnership.

Valentine's Day is fast approaching so go plan that date, spend time with your partner and enjoy this love-filled month (COVID friendly, of course). And, keep in mind what I have mentioned here today!