F.R.I.E.N.D.S. and Friendship

*cue F.R.I.E.N.D.S. theme song*

"So no one told you life was gonna be this way

*claps* Your job's a joke, you're broke Your love life's D.O.A It's like you're always stuck in second gear When it hasn't been your day, your week, your month Or even your year, but

I'll be there for you (When the rain starts to pour) I'll be there for you (Like I've been there before) I'll be there for you ('Cause you're there for me too)"

Since I was little, I had always created a utopian version of friends and friendship. A tight group of friends, similar to what we see on the tv show F.R.I.E.N.D.S., some grew up together, some siblings and some new. I always had a strong belief that some of the friends I grew up with were my "forever" friends. But boy was I wrong. Let me explain why. And then, I'll share what I learned.

Growing up, believe it or not, I was very picky as to who I would be friends with. In my first two elementary schools, I didn't make many long-lasting friends because truly, I wasn't there for long. However, in my third elementary school, after we moved to our own house, I was there long enough to be able to create some great friendships. For the sake of privacy, I will not use actual names. I met a couple of people near where I live which made me excited to go to school. I had some people I knew to fall back on if the first day wasn't going as well as I thought - Sara, Sienna. As I was completing my elementary school years, my friendship with Sara and Sienna was always rocky. I would hear about them talking behind my back, excluding me from activities and more.

If something went wrong between the two of them, one would come running to me and apologize. She would be my friend until things between the other were okay again. By the end of elementary school, my definition of "friendship" had taken a slight turn. Some of the situations I had been in due to these "friendships" could even be associated with forms of bullying; but, that's a different story that deviates from the point of this blog. I began to believe that if my friends were talking behind my back, excluding me or saying rude things to me, it's okay. That's just how our friendship is. It doesn't make them "bad friends".

High school came along where I was exposed to many more people, many more friendships. Although I made new friends, some of which I am thankfully still in contact with and am very proud of, I stuck by the few I made in elementary school and the few I had grown up with. It just felt more comforting, I thought. That said, the friendships were still pretty rocky throughout high school. There were cliques within the small group of friends I had, still consisting of a lot of backstabbing, exclusion and many rude comments.

There was one that I remember vividly. Sara and I were just talking at my locker after classes finished. I was packing my bag so we could walk to the bus stop. Small rude comments were being made here and there but I was used to them so I just brushed them off. Then, Sara explained a conversation she had with someone she is close with - Sophie:

(They were talking about body size, mainly, amongst other things)

Sara: "You don't want to end up like Hardee, now would you?"

Sophie: "Not in my wildest dreams. I don't want to be like her."

Sara: "Good, use her as an example."

As soon as Sara finished telling me the story, a lump had formed in my throat and I recall telling her that what she said was very rude. She laughed it off saying it was meant to be a joke between her and Sophie. That was painful because even jokingly, it was not something you say about someone or to someone. However, incidents like these began to add up.

As university arrived, these "friends" I had grown up and spent most of my high school with did not seem to be in much contact with me. I made efforts to stay in contact but the clique that had formed in high school, was quite evident now and I was not a part of it. So, I began to distance myself. And, on December 30th of 2019, I faced all of the situations that came with these friendships, all the bad feelings, hurt, everything. I sat in the car with my parents in the Kohls parking lot and just let years worth of tears out. For those of you that don't know me, I am not one to cry in public. I prefer not to cry in general. I sunk into my seat, head in my hands, and cried. It was that night that I became even more thankful for the 5 best friends I currently have.

2 of them, our friendship hits about 13 years while for my other 3 friendships, it's about 3 years. Nonetheless, these people taught me real friendship. I learned that in real friendship, backstabbing is not present. There's no such thing. No one is trying to belittle you or make you feel bad about yourself. Rather, they push you to become the best version of yourself. They help you if they believe that you need help or are on the wrong path. You don't need to speak to them every day or see them every day for there to be a friendship present. There is an immense amount of love, care, respect, trust, honesty, and reciprocity.

There is a point as to why I am opening up and being vulnerable - it is to explain the following few things:

1. Some friendships are just not meant to be. And that is okay. If you keep pushing them to be a part of your life while they are not making much effort to be, then stop. Be good to yourself and let go.

2. Don't suppress your feelings. Let them out and free yourself from them. You're being unfair to yourself if you keep them in. Essentially, it'll become a form of weakness if you are not able to express how you truly feel and just push it all inside.

3. Forgive the "friends" who have not treated you well. Everyone has their own internal and external battles they face every day. You don't know what their battles are. Forgive them for hurting you. Once you do that, once you face the hurt and pain, moving on with your life becomes a lot easier. A lot easier. You're not carrying any past baggage with you. You'll be ready to EMBRACE (see what I did there) the new experiences in life.

To conclude this, I just want to say that I hope me sharing some of my experiences and vulnerabilities will open eyes, change some perspectives and help people. I hope that by sharing my learnings, people can implement them in their lives and become even happier than they are now. And, I hope that you find some best friends like my 5. Trust me, you'll be thankful every single day.